Given that the blog is called Family Talk, I thought that a discussion about the very concept of family would be appropriate. The definition of a family tends to be a moving target. The family unit that we grew up in is often very different from what children experience today.
The world of extracurricular arts and sports provides a great stage to observe these transitions. When I was a kid doing my Arthur Murray tap dance recital, the audience consisted of Mom, Dad, if he was not too busy winning the bread, maybe a sibling or two, and possibly a grandparent. At my kids’ soccer games, the sidelines were populated by step-mom’s, half-brothers and in one case four different sets of grandparents. Over the years we witnessed unpleasant interactions on the sports fields between couples in transition, who, in some cases, later divorced. Inevitably these divorced couples returned the next season, standing as far apart as possible, sometimes with new spouses in tow. In a couple of cases, new younger wives arrived, joining the Mom’s snack crew, followed by new babies running around on the sidelines, being chased by Dads who could have easily been youthful granddads.
The complexion of the American family has seen a revolution in the last 30 years. The number of divorces in the US peeked in the 1980s. According to the 2000 census only 63% of children grow up living with both biological parents, the lowest figure in the Western world. That same census found that there are 3 million interracial marriages. A 2005 Rutgers University study found that 8.1% of coupled households consist of unmarried heterosexual partners. The number of same sex couples increased by 20% from the 2000 to the 2005 census. Society is forcing us to become tolerant of so many alternatives to the classic “Leave-it-to-Beaver” family unit.
Even though the face of the American family has changed radically during the second half of the 20th Century, the 1941 edition of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary’s, first definition remains unchanged. A “family,” is any group of “persons living under the same roof…” provided there is a “head” of household, a particular person who is financially responsible for the group. Ironically, almost 70 years ago, Webster’s was willing to accept all kinds of biologically and religiously diverse groups as “families,” but to this day it remains fiscally prudish when it comes to the “head” of the household. Clearly this is a no longer pertinent, given the prevalence of the two-income family today.
So it looks like a family today is any group of people living together under one roof, regardless of their diversity of religion, race, gender, marital status or financial support mechanism. What do you think? Has society broadened the definition to the point where the word has lost its meaning? How does this fit with your personal view of family? What does your family unit look like? Are there any crucial ingredients to the idea of “family” for you? Maybe it’s like the Supreme Court’s definition of “pornography” – they have no idea how to define it, but they know it when they see it. Jump in with your thoughts and opinions.
I look forward to reading your comments. Also feel free email any questions or ideas for future topics for Family Talk. Thanks for joining in the conversation, Judy
Simply living together under one roof is not enough to establish a family. Conversely, living apart does not negate the existence of a family – example: a military parent stationed in a foreign country or kids away at college. Calling a group of individuals a family connotes a significant level of trust, intimacy, and attachment between its members, as well as shared physical and emotional support. Members of a family have a financial obligation to each other – they reap the benefits and shoulder the risks and responsibilities of life together. I think the wisest perspective in your blog is the comparison with the Supreme Court defining pornography – that was right on. What makes up a family now-a-days is so diverse that it defies a verbal definition. However, we know it when we see it.
As a product of the “traditional definition” and a member of one today, I also realize that Family is more than the old idea. It has an invisible connection, emotionally based; at times financially supportive that binds a group together. Ideally we return to our “family” for the support that lessens the stress of our daily lives. However, at times it is the interaction within the family unit that contributes to that daily stress. Learning to deal with it defines who we are….
I think that sometimes we get too hung up on coming to a consensus with others. We don’t all have to agree. Family doesn’t have to be defined the same way by everyone and, frankly, that shouldn’t change it’s value in anyway either. The word “family” should be open to definitions as diverse as the people who create the families themselves. As a white Christian mother to an adopted Hispanic child, I tire so quickly of others poking their noses into our family asking for us to define it them. Let’s stop worrying about semantics and instead start worrying about taking care of what comprises our own definition ‘family’ – the people we care about most.
Thanks Shannon for joining the conversation. I agree that family are the people we most care about.